Reliving the Past: How to Get Rid of Unwanted Fantasies

Tuesday, August 23, 2016 by Meg   •   Filed under Sexuality/Relationships

After the San Francisco earthquake of 1989, child care centers across the country noted the emergence of a game called “earthquake,” where children, without provocation, acted out an earthquake scene over and over again, processing the trauma in such a way as to be powerful at the end1.  This is an example of an automatic, impulsive fantasy reenactment, an obvious response to one event that needed to be dealt with. 

But we are more complicated than that in most other areas. Sexual fantasies can run the gamut from “Hey, Baby,” to, “Oh dear, god, why the fuck am I thinking about that!?” because of their tendency to be representative as opposed to literal. For example, donkey fantasies are usually more about..ahem…size and not having to worry about a parter as opposed to wanting to fuck an actual donkey. As a general rule, fantasies may increase pleasure, or on the flip side represent certain unresolved elements of our pasts, functioning to desensitize us to traumas, or helping us to overcome guilt or shame (discussed more here in Whips Chains and Penises, OH MY! Fantasy and the Feminist Argument for Bondage).

But if you are convinced that the fantasies are literal (and sometimes if you aren’t), they can freak you out and become like intrusive thought patterns, an obsession more than a desire, the fear of the thoughts as well as their link to past pleasure driving them to continue, much like what initially happened to Hazel in the book Beyond the Break and to Jim in Famished.

So what to do if a distressing fantasy keeps coming up?...  continue reading

How Safe Is Your Job? Why Self-Control Matters For Physical and Mental Health

Tuesday, August 09, 2016 by Meg   •   Filed under General


The loss of control can do more than make you super pissed-off, particularly for those of us more inclined to buck assimilation. 

Me? Combative? Seriously, that's not a fucking surprise, is it?

But according to choice researcher Dr. Sheena Iyengar, author of, The Art of Choosing, lack of choice may trigger physical health problems as opposed to purely emotional ones1....  continue reading

Can Alcohol Cause Traumatic Responses? The Two-Way Street Between Alcohol and PTSD

Tuesday, July 26, 2016 by Meg   •   Filed under Trauma


In people ages eighteen and older, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) occurs in about three and a half percent of the population in any given year1. PTSD is common following situations that involve threatened death or serious injury, such as robbery or rape, an earthquake or a car accident.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder leads many to feel out of control. The symptoms may be so overwhelming some turn to the use of substances in an effort to calm themselves. However, there is a great deal of evidence to suggest that alcohol not only exacerbates the symptoms of PTSD, but also increases the likelihood of getting PTSD in the first place....  continue reading

4 Alternative Treatments For Postpartum Depression You Need To Know About

Tuesday, July 12, 2016 by Meg   •   Filed under Postpartum Depression


Postpartum depression can rear its ugly, no-good, dirty, rotten head anytime, including during pregnancy as discussed at length in the last post. And the earlier it begins, the more reluctant women tend to be about beginning drug treatment. Many women choose to forgo drug treatment altogether in the postpartum period, making it critical to find alternative therapies--though make no mistake, medications can be lifesavers for those suffering severe bouts of depression, anxiety or other conditions. So what to do? It isn't like we can just toss these women aside, unless you're Rush Limbaugh, in which case this is perfectly reasonable. I mean, about as reasonable as Rush fucking goats which I heard was totally his weekend guilty pleasure. 

Ahem. 

Alright, let us forgo the beastiality for a moment and get back to the issue at hand: how to help the ladies who are uncomfortable with medication management during pregnancy and the postpartum period deal with a depressive episode. Because in addition to the standard advice of talk therapy and increased social support, there are a few other options for decreasing depressive symptoms postpartum....  continue reading

Cognitive Behavioral Techniques: How To Use Research to Combat Scary Thoughts and Magical Thinking

Tuesday, June 28, 2016 by Meg   •   Filed under Treatment Techniques

When I suggest research as a treatment for anxiety, sometimes people look at me like I have three heads. I do not believe in my inherent ability to sprout extra heads, based on my extensive research on the subject. Therefore, I assume that the looks are because some individuals are not big fans of looking stuff up once they get out of school. 

It isn't just the research itself. Many people do not like the idea of exploring their deepest, darkest fears because they are afraid of what they will find. Many are worried that they will find out their scary thought is true. 

But what if it isn’t?...  continue reading

"I'm Fat, and You Don't Love Me": How Early Attachment Insecurity May Cause Eating Disorders

Tuesday, June 14, 2016 by Meg   •   Filed under General

We've talked a lot on this blog about depression. Anxiety. Trauma. Social issues. Motherhood. Self Harm. It's about freaking time we got around to eating disorders. 

I'm not interested in telling you a bunch of stuff you already know, things you've already heard. It's easy to say, "These are the behaviors these conditions encompass, so stop doing that." And unfortunately, people who have no idea what the fuck they're talking about use phrases like this regularly.

But it ISN'T THE FOOD. Eating disorders are not about meals. They're usually about control. And those issues start young, sometimes before you've mastered the use of a knife and fork.   

Attachment has become a catch phrase used to describe an evolutionarily relevant parenting style. But this isn't about today's children. This is about the kids today's women used to be. Because early attachment plays a role in bodily dissatisfaction and eating disordered behavior....  continue reading