The Big O: What You Need To Know About Sexual Frustration and Overall Happiness

Monday, March 24, 2014 by Meg   •   Filed under Sexuality/Relationships

The functioning of our bodies, especially our sexual responsiveness, is tied directly to our autonomic nervous system. The hormones produced in response to this system can trigger panic or orgasmic bliss. But which one you get may depend on your past experiences and how much satisfaction you've been enjoying.

"But you said size doesn't matter!"

So, here's the quick and dirty (heh): hormones like oxytocin are necessary for sexual functioning, from progression of labor to the Big O. Oxytocin is responsible for bonding, both with children and with partners, which may be one reason that having a lot of sex tends to restore connections between partners, increase attachment and decrease insecurities1. Enough oxytocin pushes us over the edge into orgasm....  continue reading

Mistakes Your Brain May Be Making: How Anxiety Can Cause Love

Friday, March 14, 2014 by Meg   •   Filed under Sexuality/Relationships

According to Sheena Iyengar, Columbia University's leading expert on decision making,  the human brain is fraught with ways for things to get a little mixed-up. Like love and fear. Which is awesome because it's another reason for S&M and sexual role playing to be written off as a normal biological experience.

Bring on the handcuffs....  continue reading

Secrets Every Married Woman Should Know: What Penis Size Can Teach Us About Monogamy

Monday, February 10, 2014 by Meg   •   Filed under Sexuality/Relationships

We prize sharing in theory, but nowhere near the extent of our nomadic ancestors who shared food, resources and mates among them like a socialist hippie commune.The egalitarian--or equal--structure of most early nomadic societies relied on both men and women for survival. This equality--along with cooperative caretaking patterns--allowed for sexual expression that favored multiple partner mating.

In other words, we reared our children in big cooperative groups, and lifelong monogomy wasn't really a priority, or a benefit. Switching partners was the norm.  

And there is still a part of our brain that craves this....  continue reading

How Healthy Are Your Boundaries? Understanding Personal Boundary Styles to Build Better Relationships

Friday, January 24, 2014 by Meg   •   Filed under Sexuality/Relationships

When children are small, it's almost as if you're one person, the lines between you and them blurring as you spend your day tending to another's needs. A few years later, when you find them rummaging through your purse for the car keys, those boundaries are far more defined.

Boundaries are something we actively do and adjust. Because of this, it may be hard to decide when your boundaries are being breached.

Except with that car keys thing. 

"Get out of my shit, punk!"

Do you feel victimized? Guilty? Overwhelmed? It may be time to check out your personal boundaries and decide how well they are working for you....  continue reading

What Is Codependency? Narcissism, Flexibility and The Definition of Modern Codependent Relationships

Friday, January 17, 2014 by Meg   •   Filed under Sexuality/Relationships

Our different versions of the term "codependency" can cause a great deal of confusion. One set of behaviors may be pathologically codependent in one couple, and be healthy and normal in another couple who function differently as a unit. This can be hard to understand when we see things primarily through the lens of our own experience, heightening our tendency to see codependency where it might not actually exist. 

But sometimes, it totally exists. And we should know what it looks like....  continue reading

What Causes Codependency? How To Create A Codependent Relationship

Monday, January 13, 2014 by Meg   •   Filed under Sexuality/Relationships

There was a time when individuals within groups had to be dependent on one another for survival. As reciprocal altruism evolved, we developed the drive both to give and to repay debts to even out overages and shortages within groups, thereby ensuring higher rates of survival for all members.This mutual assistance was not a disorder. Relying on others was just what you did to not fucking die. 

But, then and now, there was probably room to get carried away. Pathological altruism is a pattern of nurturing that, instead of helping the giver or the group, has unsuccessful outcomes1

AKA: the "My Bad, It Seemed Like a Good Idea At The Time" response....  continue reading