Fantasy is a funny thing. Most everyone engages in it, though some won't admit it. When we do discuss it, it is in hushed whispers over wine amidst nervous giggles punctuated by the occasional, "Me too!" or "Ewww!"
But there are some fantasies that are far more taboo than others. The fantasies of rape, submission and sadomasochistic practices are among them.
I know, I am late to the whole Fifty Shades of Grey party.
"WAIT...THERE WAS A PARTY!?" Not that kind of party, people. Simmer down.
Since the trailer came out, I have listened to Fifty Shades being reduced to an antifeminist conspiracy, with many encouraging a boycott of the movie. I have heard things like, “It’s a glorification of rape, which increases the notion that women are asking for it.” I have heard others, male and female alike, ponder how we can stand idly by and allow a movie that depicts violence against women to become a box office hit. I assume they are just upset because sex in elevators is wrong on many levels. (Hey-O!)
At any rate, in emails and personal conversations, my opinions have been sought by those who believed that I would, in my decidedly feminist way, be pissed at anything that shows male dominance.
Right?
I am late to this party because I am a thinker. And in my pondering, I have decided that I like this whole Fifty Shades of Grey thing. I do not believe that Fifty Shades of Grey is a disservice to women, though I do believe that those who shame women for their arousal might be contributing to more female shame responses than the movie itself. If anything, Fifty Shades gives us a platform to discuss these issues and normalize the process for those who feel ashamed of their responses. In addition, bondage is not rape, though rape fantasies are also common. And whether it's bondage, submission or wild orgy sex, our fantasies change over time due to hormones, aging, attempts to conquer subconscious fears or guilt, or in response to new insecurities. There can be healing and beauty inherent in these fantasies even if the reasons for this are not immediately obvious. And all these fantasy elements can play a positive role in the female psyche.... continue reading