How Safe Is Your Job? Why Self-Control Matters For Physical and Mental Health

Tuesday, August 09, 2016 by Meg   •   Filed under General


The loss of control can do more than make you super pissed-off, particularly for those of us more inclined to buck assimilation. 

Me? Combative? Seriously, that's not a fucking surprise, is it?

But according to choice researcher Dr. Sheena Iyengar, author of, The Art of Choosing, lack of choice may trigger physical health problems as opposed to purely emotional ones1....  continue reading

"I'm Fat, and You Don't Love Me": How Early Attachment Insecurity May Cause Eating Disorders

Tuesday, June 14, 2016 by Meg   •   Filed under General

We've talked a lot on this blog about depression. Anxiety. Trauma. Social issues. Motherhood. Self Harm. It's about freaking time we got around to eating disorders. 

I'm not interested in telling you a bunch of stuff you already know, things you've already heard. It's easy to say, "These are the behaviors these conditions encompass, so stop doing that." And unfortunately, people who have no idea what the fuck they're talking about use phrases like this regularly.

But it ISN'T THE FOOD. Eating disorders are not about meals. They're usually about control. And those issues start young, sometimes before you've mastered the use of a knife and fork.   

Attachment has become a catch phrase used to describe an evolutionarily relevant parenting style. But this isn't about today's children. This is about the kids today's women used to be. Because early attachment plays a role in bodily dissatisfaction and eating disordered behavior....  continue reading

"Don't Have Children!" Busting Myths About Bipolar Disorder and Motherhood

Tuesday, June 07, 2016 by Meg   •   Filed under General

It starts as soon as we get married, sometimes at the wedding reception.

“When are you guys going to have kids?”

It’s like a cult, this motherhood thing that we are pressured to join at the first possible opportunity. We’re told that we will forget the pain of childbirth, that we won’t even miss our old activities. 

LIES! ALL LIES! I’d love to see the day I completely forget squeezing a wriggling, screaming  turkey out of my vagina. 

But there is a division between this outside pressure and the experience of some women, particularly in the case of bipolar disorder. While we hear, “Come join us,” peppered into even the most mundane conversations, these women often hear, “Danger!” because their physician told them they should avoid pregnancy.

And it tears them apart....  continue reading

F*ck Brock Turner. Here's How I'm Giving Back.

Tuesday, June 07, 2016 by Meg   •   Filed under General

I was going to stay out of it, I really was. There are already so many beautiful and poignant writings about the Stanford rapist at this

juncture, including a moving letter from the victim herself.

But now that Brock Turner’s father has gotten involved, noting that a paltry six month sentence is “a steep price to pay for twenty minutes of action,” I’m too pissed to stay out of it. We all should be.

Daddy went on to shift fault to the university:

“In hindsight, it’s clear that Brock was desperately trying to fit in at Stanford and fell into the culture of alcohol consumption and partying. This culture was modeled by many of the upperclassmen on the swim team and played a role in the events of Jan 17th and 18th 2015.”

Dan, your son was not on trial for drinking, you rape-enabling fuck. He sexually abused an unconscious woman.

Now, it is true that the culture of hyper-masculinity encourages more aggressive behaviors in men and boys. It is true that most rapists have abuse in their own pasts (ahem). It is also true that alcohol clouds judgment.

But your son is a predator.

He is not a victim....  continue reading

Being Transgender Isn't the Problem. We Are.

Tuesday, May 31, 2016 by Meg   •   Filed under General

Transgender identity, as a broad term, is the idea that some people do not conform consistently or unambiguously to the typical (or accepted) notions of “male” or “female”. When we hear the term, it is often used to describe someone like Caitlyn Jenner whose gender identity (sense of themselves as male or female) or gender expression differs from that usually associated with their birth sex. However, not everyone whose appearance or behavior is gender atypical will identify as a transgendered. Tim Curry in The Rocky Horror Picture Show isn’t necessarily transgender just because he loves women’s lingerie. He could just be a proud dude in panties.

But the issue is far beyond dressing a certain way or acting a certain way. The transgendered population is under attack at every turn due to forces they cannot control. I mean, why are we so worried about where people can pee for fuck’s sake?

Gender identity, like sexuality, exists on a spectrum. And as a society, we disregard anyone who doesn’t fit into these little tiny boxes of “normal.” We label them as mentally ill. We try to take away their inherent human rights. And that is a huge part of what triggers depression and anxiety and suicide in misunderstood and persecuted populations. 

In short, being transgender isn’t the problem. We are....  continue reading

South Carolina, Self Regulation and That Child Beating A$$hole

Thursday, October 29, 2015 by Meg   •   Filed under General


South Carolina....just fucking no.

I worked for quite some time with at-risk children in a school setting. School was skipped, homework left incomplete, and defiance, aggression and “back-talk” abounded. Did the kids’ smart mouths and disrespectful attitudes ever make me want to hit them?

Hell to the no. Because I’m a fucking grownup with fully-developed self-regulation skills. And because there are always reasons for negative behaviors. Seeing only the behavior without considering its underlying cause is a short-sighted and ignorant way to handle the situation.

When I see the teenager on the now infamous video, I see a girl in pain. How about we discuss the fact that she was in foster care due to issues at home? That she was asked to leave because she glanced at her cell phone (and apologized for it at the time)? That her “defiance” was her stating that she had done nothing wrong? (Another girl agreed, and was also arrested.) Does it matter that the officer in question had a history of violent behavior? Does any of that matter?

The sad fact is, to many, the circumstances leading up to her beating do not matter. And when I see people disregard this, I see broken people. I see deep-rooted issues. I see the little children they used to be hearing, “Don’t whine, there’s no excuse for that behavior.” I see dysfunction in the masses.

This girl needs help, not violent repercussions. Not abuse. And in the video I saw, the officer was most certainly abusive. Violent. Scary. The adolescent brain is a little unstable and labile as a rule. But the cop is not a child. He showed a gross lack of self-regulation. He lost control. He himself is broken, very likely another victim in the ongoing cycle of abuse endorsed by our society. He needs serious help, not high fives....  continue reading