Why Do Men Rape? Misogyny, Power, Safety, and The Evolutionary Benefits of Rape

Tuesday, September 12, 2017 by Meg   •   Filed under General

First things first: UNDERSTANDING DOES NOT EQUAL ABSOLUTION. I am not in any way making excuses for rapists, nor do I believe that men should be punished less severely based on their histories. Hell, in my fiction novels, Detective Petrosky is pretty happy fantasizing about cutting off the balls of rapists as a general rule. I have also gotten many emails from readers about Jim in Famished--including thanks for that novel's detailed insight into what led him to become a monster. 

But I'm writing this post today because I have treated many rape victims. And one VERY common question tends to be, “Why?” Not only, “Why me,” but also: “Why would someone think this is okay? Why are they so hateful?”

These are valid questions that often keep women up at night. And these questions might have an answer. For some survivors of rape, knowing the answer sufficed in solving a mystery that in turn helped them heal because they understood it. For others it merely satisfied curiosity but had little bearing on their healing.  Either way, useful. At the very least, in shedding some light on it, we may be in a better position to reduce it in the future. And I would retire happily never having to treat another rape victim. (I can dream, can’t I?)

So let’s get into this....  continue reading

Why Can't I Sleep?! Hyperarousal and The Three Types of Insomnia

Tuesday, August 08, 2017 by Meg   •   Filed under General

Insomnia may be a byproduct of our evolution. I assume this is due to the fact that, as a mom, mother nature was up all night anyway checking on children and getting in some last minute “me time”. Or perhaps, more likely, we are more prone to arousal than to sleep for survival purposes. We can rise and become aggressive or anxious in moments as anyone who has awoken to a loud noise can attest. But we calm down slowly. Only those at the top of the food chain can rest during the day in plain view. 

Cocky ass lions. 

We need to be pickier about our rest than lions. Always have. This might be why circumstances and mental state need to be aligned in order to sleep. And depending on what forces are acting against you, you may treat the issue differently. Because trouble falling asleep, trouble staying asleep and broken sleep tend to have slightly different treatments, though there is some overlap. 

First things first: what needs to be in place for us to rest? I mean besides your husband NOT poking you for sex?...  continue reading

Can Zinc Deficiency Cause Depression? How Food Can Trigger Major Depressive Episodes (and what to do about it)

Tuesday, July 11, 2017 by Meg   •   Filed under Physical Health and Emotion

Zinc is an essential element for both physical and mental health, though it is often overlooked. Zinc builds proteins, encourages immune system health and assists with the creation of DNA.  It also acts as a neurotransmitter in the brain, carrying messages to and from cells, a vitally important function for all internal processes. 

But not everyone gets enough of this nutrient. Zinc deficiency is thought to effect 20% of individuals worldwide, and more in less developed countries4. And being deficient in this element may trigger a number of physical symptoms as well as anxiety and depression....  continue reading

"I Hate Him." How to Make Marriage Work

Tuesday, June 13, 2017 by Meg   •   Filed under Sexuality/Relationships

“We used to be so happy.”

“He’s not the same person I married.”

“I just don’t…know anymore.”

You’ve been together a little while, huh? At first it was perhaps just a physical issue, a lack of attraction, of sexual desire, especially after the kids. But now it’s more than that. You see that the things you once found endearing are super annoying. 

“OH DEAR GOD WHY DOES HE CHEW LIKE THAT?!” 

“Did I just step on a fucking toenail clipping?”

But it’s more than passing annoyance. You think that perhaps you have outgrown your partner, that maybe he stayed the same while you gleaned what you needed and matured. Why are you still there with all this stress? You don’t want to stay only for the kids, do you? And yet, you must have been into him at some point. Maybe you could be again. But do you even want to?...  continue reading

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Your Brain, and How to Treat OCD

Tuesday, April 11, 2017 by Meg   •   Filed under Treatment Techniques

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder evolved as a means of protection, a valuable system in times past to increase our chances of survival (more on this in The Evolution of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Postpartum OCD, and Obsessive Personalities.)

But just because it made us more likely to survive then, doesn’t mean it does jack shit to help us now. And if you have OCD, you probably don’t care what made it awesome then. You want to know why it’s happening to you and how the fuck you can make it stop.

I have answers. Let’s do it. (That’s what she said…or maybe what he said.)...  continue reading

It's Not Me. It's My OCD: The Evolution of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Postpartum OCD, and Obsessive Personalities

Tuesday, March 07, 2017 by Meg   •   Filed under General


Every day, people use the phrase "OCD" to describe any number of behaviors, from being meticulous about appearance to the desire to get things completed a certain way: 

"I just cannot go to bed with dishes in the sink. I'm SO OCD." 

SPOILER ALERT: That ain't OCD (though it might be a different condition, so read on). 

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a lifelong condition that usually shows up during puberty or early adulthood and is identified by (you guessed it) obsessions and compulsions. OCD is equally likely to occur in men and women, and affects around 2% of the population1. And it can be absolutely debilitating. This is not a "sink full of dishes" type concern. OCD can be a "I'm not leaving my house today because I'm too busy scrubbing my hands raw" kind of concern. 

Aside from the obsessions and compulsions, most with OCD tend to worry, usually about how worried and anxious they are. But make no mistake; whether they are seen as over-reactors, as overly sensitive or as obsessive, the whole thing is scary as fuck. I really think that phrase should be a part of the clinical definition of OCD, which is why they will never hire me to write that book, though I guarantee mine would be more entertaining to read. Maybe I will write my own, dammit....  continue reading